People always ask me if I’m seeing anyone… and for the past 20 years the answer was no. I got many puzzled looks and questions as to why. It seemed as though something was off to everyone else because I had decided to find myself first before bothering to find anyone else. People would tell me my standards were too high or that I wasn’t “looking hard enough,” but what if I wasn’t looking at all?
I didn’t get a boyfriend until I was 20 years old and that wasn’t just by luck. It was a choice. A choice not to pay much attention to the boys that only had one objective in mind. A choice to wait until I met someone who treated me with real respect and seemed ready for actual commitment of any sort. It was a choice not to waste my time on temporary flings here and there that were not worth much more than the drama and hurt they created. It was a choice to be smart about who I invested my time and feelings in. It was a choice to wait to date.
Society has polluted the way we look at dating and relationships. I tend to be in the minority with my views and values. I hear from so many people that they could never see themselves actually marrying the person they are currently dating, and my question to that is why? What’s the point of dating then? Kind of seems like a waste of time if there isn’t even a slight potential for a future with that person. Now that doesn’t mean you have to feel ready to marry your partner the minute you begin dating, but it does mean you should be dating with the intention of finding your “forever after,” not just someone to temporarily kill time with.
To those of you that have been told your standards are too high and that you should lower them if you ever want to find someone: don’t. Wait for someone who doesn’t make you compromise the sole things you strongly stand for. They aren’t worth compromising. That’s the sole being of who you are and what makes you. Don’t give in on such things of importance. Why would you ever want to find someone who doesn’t even know the real you? Or whose values and personality don’t at all complement your’s? Why search for artificial love when you can wait for the real deal? I promise it feels a hundred times better than any artificially created idea of love.
How do you know if it’s the real deal? It’s hard to miss… the helping hand in all sorts of situations both big and small, the unexpected positive gestures and acts of service, the undeserving yet complete acceptance, the smile “just because.” They’re all things that just seem to fall into place without conscious effort when it’s love in true form.
So ladies, wait for someone who calls your mind beautiful, instead of your body.
Wait for someone who knows the difference between lust and love, two entirely different things.
Wait for someone who loves you for who you are as a person, not someone who just loves the idea of you as an object.
Wait for someone who makes you a genuinely better person.
Wait for someone who, despite your past mistakes and flaws, still chooses you.
Wait for someone who makes you laugh uncontrollably, not cry uncontrollably.
Most importantly, wait for someone who makes the wait worth it.